Charlotte Sometimes.

The Cure. Paris! It seems so long ago and yet can seem like only yesterday. I saw them in Paris. Whilst visiting my friend I have mentioned a few times on this blog. She’s no longer with us. She’s in my mind a lot recently for reasons I mentioned a couple of posts back. We both loved the Cure, they were in Paris, I was visiting her in Paris. It would have been rude not to go to the gig! This is a beautiful song I think. We both thought that. We sang along at the gig. We sang it going home on the metro.

A short time later she was back in England and something happened that changed her life for ever. A few months earlier the first bomb that led to my PTSD had happened. But at this time I hadn’t noticeably shown any symptoms of PTSD; that was to come a few months further down the line. Then sometime further down the line my friend was dead as a direct result of her life changing event. In some ways that gig in Paris was the end of innocence. That’s not the right word but I can’t think of a better one.

It has not been a good time for me lately. The black dog has been scratching hard at the door. PTSD has very much shown it’s ugly face. I have been very preoccupied with the way my friend escaped from the loop of PTSD and how that seems to be the only real escape.

Today, ipod on shuffle, Charlotte Sometimes came up. Mostly, in my current frame of mind, I would have skipped it to save myself. Today I stuck with it. It is still a beautiful song. It is also a dark song. Within moments tears were indeed pouring down my face. For a very short time I was back in Paris in those innocent times. So many other images of so many other times. The lyrics bring out so many meanings and nuances for me that have nothing to do with the original meaning. Yet so much to do with my friend, her PTSD, my PTSD and how life has gone.

All the faces
All the voices blur
Change to one face
Change to one voice
Prepare yourself for bed
The light seems bright
And glares on white walls
All the sounds of
Charlotte sometimes
Into the night with
Charlotte sometimes

Night after night she lay alone in bed
Her eyes so open to the dark
The streets all looked so strange
They seemed so far away
But Charlotte did not cry

The people seemed so close
Playing expressionless games
The people seemed so close
So many other names

Sometimes I’m dreaming
Where all the other people dance
Sometimes I’m dreaming
Charlotte sometimes
Sometimes I’m dreaming
Expressionless the trance
Sometimes I’m dreaming
So many different names
Sometimes I’m dreaming
The sounds all stay the same
Sometimes I’m dreaming
She hopes to open shadowed eyes
On a different world
Come to me scared princess
Charlotte sometimes

On that bleak track
(see the sun is gone again)
The tears were pouring down her face
She was crying and crying for a girl
Who died so many years before

Sometimes I dream
Where all the other people dance
Sometimes I dream
Charlotte sometimes
Sometimes I dream
The sounds all stay the same
Sometimes I’m dreaming
There are so many different names
Sometimes I dream
Sometimes I dream

Charlotte sometimes crying for herself
Charlotte sometimes dreams a wall around herself
But it’s always with love
With so much love it looks like
Everything else
Of Charlotte sometimes
So far away
Glass sealed and pretty
Charlotte sometimes

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