Unusually for me I have extensively reworked the pice that was my previous post. To the point that it’s a new draft. Still quite rough and raw but I’ll probably stop fiddling with it now!
Well, I’ve always known you lie, some inconsequential
Some told in a moment of shattering consequence
I say always known, I mean nearly from first days at least
Held hostage to that very first lie, the one that really mattered,
that could have led down different paths
Hostage, yet blissfully unaware of that
Until the day you sprung the truth, that unnecessary truth
To rampage destructively through my life then
And through much of what was to come.
I know what many of those lies are, how they chime
I’ve heard them often enough over the years
In one way or another. I’ve learnt to live with them
How they make me feel, the sadness the effects on my life
The effects you dismiss as just one of those things.
But there is that one lie I’m tired of, so very
Tired of; and just will not have any more
That moment, that moment, oh that moment
That ripped so much from me, that destroyed so much
That changed so much then and disrupted
So very much of what was to come, that took my balance.
The pain, no not just pain, agony at times
Then that pretence that it did not happen, that lie
It happened, we both know it happened, can’t be helped now
But don’t pretend it is some sort of madness on my part
That moment that sent shock and after shocks through my life
(a neat analogy how the earth moved to often and too
Inappropriately, at the wrong time with the wrong people, then)
All that simply dismissed as some crazy figment of my mind
In order to ease your own path, no matter how unjust.
It’s easier to feel no responsibility or consequences for actions
For destroying something once beautiful, like pulling wings
From a butterfly, when you pretend it did not happen
Far simpler to apportion blame as if for random acts
To hurl accusation for all those consequential actions
For all that pain, for all the ongoing acts
When in your version, what caused it all never happened.
Dismissing all of those things with one cheap lie
Well, I say cheap but it’s cost me too much
And now I just won’t take that one anymore.
How I deal with that I don’t know for now, too hard
But I need to as part of the remedy for self destructive urge