During one of the low spells of my illness in 2010 I forced myself to go shopping in my local shopping centre. As pathetic as it may sound this was a big deal and not easy. At one point I had to leave and go home. Because a song that was playing in a shop so overwhelmed me with emotion I just couldn’t stay.
Today I was shopping. I had to leave a shop because I couldn’t handle the emotion when a song started playing. The song in question was Never Let Me Go by Florence and the Machine. This isn’t one of her better known songs and certainly not one that is often played as background in shops. So it took me by suprise. I think I have linked this song and video before but linking again below. Please watch it!
I know part of the problem. The exact emotions this song evokes are very much at the forefront of my mind because of a recent anniversary. The scale of my reaction still disconcerts me.
I am angry at myself because of this. I am more angry at another person. The one person I know with a connection that could talk to me about this situation. That may help, it may not. I can’t possibly know without trying. That talk doesn’t take place because of a ridiculous and unreasonable grudge. I know that neither set of anger is particularly helpful but I feel increasingly it is an anger that will ultimately vent.
The world is a dark place at times. There are times I feel my beautiful friend had the right answer.