I have been motivated to write this by coming across a website. The point of it being to post “letters never sent”. Such as rants against bosses, ex-lovers etc. Which defeats the object of a letter never sent really. This served to remind me of my own mistakes in that area.
During the more lucid periods when I was ill I was encouraged to write letters to some people with the intention of venting my emotions but not sending it. I think it is a technique used quite often by counsellors and psychologists. I think it can help you to straighten out and understand some feelings and emotions. Writing things down rather than having them going round continuously in your head certainly makes some things clearer for me.
During one of my deeper, darker periods during the illness I was trying to establish meaningful communication with someone significant from my past. Who and why is not relevant; that’s a mistake I’ve made previously in this blog. It didn’t work out. Feeling a sense of injustice fuelled by a rage that only PTSD seems to generate I wrote a long ranty letter. The PTSD rage explains the background and possibly mitigates some of the content. It doesn’t excuse actually sending it to the person concerned which is what I did. I can’t remember the exact content of the letter. Like I say it was during a dark period and it is long deleted from my sent box. I do know it was couched in very unpleasant terms. Some very nasty and deliberately unkind things within it. There may even have been some justification to some of the points hidden deep within the vitriol. But that’s hardly going to be listened to in that context.It is testament to the resilience and humanity of that person that they are now in contact and attempting to help me. It certainly demonstrates compassion and empathy which I accused them in very cruel terms of not having.
It went beyond that. This blog became an extension of that letter never sent and also turned, in places, into a vitriolic rant. But much more public than sending a letter to an individual it talks about. That was totally wrong and I have amended much of it.
The lesson is this. A letter written as not to be sent should remain never sent.