Part of a text received from OH earlier this week. “You see talking helps”. It was not related to any of the subjects I have written about in this blog. It does highlight something that is changing in my life. Something I am getting better at.
There is a caveat to it. Listening helps as well. I am becoming increasingly aware that when I talked to people about things that mattered, especially if there was potential conflict, I would go into a rant mode. I wasn’t talking with people but more talking at them. This is totally counter productive. When you’re ranting you can’t really listen to the other person. And, they are far less likely to listen to a ranty person either. I think this tendency comes about from feeling I haven’t been listened to in the past and that is a problem that goes right back to childhood. My OH tells me I can be quite intimidating in that mode. Difficult enough for people who know me well and realise it is just noise and bluster. Even more difficult for others.
There is a situation in my life that appears to be changing when it looked like it would never change. That is coming about because another person and I are now talking with each other. More importantly we now seem to be listening to each other. We were not doing that before and I’m starting to realise that was more my fault than the other person.
Part of my recovery has been about recognising some uncomfortable truths about myself. Which in the long run is making my life better.
So it is good to talk and it helps. It is just as important to listen.