Well, I got through the day. Nothing truly awful happened despite the overbearing sense of foreboding that accompanies the anxiety.
The worst of the anxiety attack has gone. There is still an edge of anxiety there so I am a bit wary. That is uncomfortable but much more manageable than the mind numbing, all-consuming anxiety.
I got so many lovely, supportive messages through various media yesterday. To be honest, as a consequence, I had a little cry. But they were cathartic tears. I still find it difficult to understand at times how people could possibly love me but clearly some people do!
I haven’t cut for over two years now. I haven’t thought about it for almost as long except in the sense of being reminded by my scars. Yesterday it was something I thought about, if only in an abstract sense. That awful sense of anxiety and fear is so horrible and difficult to deal with I can see more clearly now how cutting was a way of temporarily removing it. And that’s the point. It’s temporary and doesn’t solve the problem. It actually creates another problem.
One big lesson from yesterday is once again not to be complacent. I am in recovery for sure; but it’s not something to take for granted.