The Day After

Well, I got through the day. Nothing truly awful happened despite the overbearing sense of foreboding that accompanies the anxiety.

The worst of the anxiety attack has gone. There is still an edge of anxiety there so I am a bit wary. That is uncomfortable but much more manageable than the mind numbing, all-consuming anxiety.

I got so many lovely, supportive messages through various media yesterday. To be honest, as a consequence, I had a little cry. But they were cathartic tears. I still find it difficult to understand at times how people could possibly love me but clearly some people do!

I haven’t cut for over two years now. I haven’t thought about it for almost as long except in the sense of being reminded by my scars. Yesterday it was something I thought about, if only in an abstract sense. That awful sense of anxiety and fear is so horrible and difficult to deal with I can see more clearly now how cutting was a way of temporarily removing it. And that’s the point. It’s temporary and doesn’t solve the problem. It actually creates another problem.

One big lesson from yesterday is once again not to be complacent. I am in recovery for sure; but it’s not something to take for granted.


3 responses to “The Day After

  1. Samantha Ritchie

    REALLY pleased you got through it so well! Remember that next time… xx

  2. I think it’s also a good sign, both in terms of yesterday and today, that you’re openly acknowledging it and speaking about it rather than withdrawing into yourself.

  3. So pleased you are starting to see some light, Guy. Yes, when in the dark hole it can be difficult to accept that people you love you, but you clearly have a huge support network – friends, family, acquaintenances. Just remember that all of these people gain something special from having you in their life 🙂

    Well done for not cutting; it would have been so easy to go back to old coping mechanisms for dealing with difficult situations. You didn’t though and I for one am really proud of you. I don’t mean that in a patronizing way – it was a huge achievement and I am proud of you!

    Keep speaking out, not bottling up. You are in inspiration xxx

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