Another picture from the Project 365 self portraits.
When my cutting episodes were at their worst a friend suggested that I should find and alternative. She suggested that I should try flicking an elastic band against my forearm.
This picture obviously represents that.
It did not really work for me for two main reasons. The first was simply that it didn’t hurt enough or for long enough. As I have said before part of the process was to try to mask unbearable emotional pain by real physical pain. Where I was at that time meant it needed to be a lot of pain. The pain from cutting would also go on for days, maybe weeks with the deep ones. But the other thing for me was that I needed to see the damage. This one I haven’t totally made sense of but part of the process was to see the blood and damaged flesh etc.
None of which is pretty or clever. It is just how it was!