Regular sufferers of this blog will not that I only fairly recently returned to full duties at work. Running a watch at a fire station in South West London.
Since then we have had the odd bits and pieces of course, but the other day I went to my first significant incident since returning to work. Incident Commander at a fire in a flat on the 9th floor of a high rise. Fires in high rises have their own peculiarities, procedures that need to be put into place quickly, lots of people potentially in a hazardous situation, lots of information (some of it conflicting) coming at you quickly and managing the priorities and safety of the firefighters whose instinct is to get in there and do something. The fire itself was not particularly huge. But that is not really the point of this post. The point is I was put in a stressful situation in which people were looking to me for leadership and appropriate decisions. And it went well. Furthermore I came away with a bit of a buzz because of the stress and feeling pretty satisfied.
Considering that little over a year ago I was breaking down in tears in Tesco because I couldn’t decide what to get for lunch, it shows how comprehensive my recovery has been. And that, above all, is the point of this blog. The message to other people. During the very dark days I was very low indeed. I was barely functioning as a normal human being. Leaving aside the suicidal stages, it seemed to me and must have seemed to others, that I would never function properly again. Certainly it seemed that I would never enjoy life again. And, it was a really possibility that I would never return to my job. But here I am, functioning, taking on stressful situations, happy and satisfied. Life is not always perfect of course. But I accept that much more readily now. And that is the central message. No matter how bad it gets, how dark it seems, it will turn around and it will get better.