Hand Held Over a Candle (365)

This one represents a few things.

 

When I was younger I used to frequently carry out pointless acts of bravado. This is a scaled down representation of that. The whole thing was part of the mask of course. Or part of a multi layered mask. Very much diversionary behaviour but also an attempt to be a bit jack-the-lad.

But it also represents a tendency to carry on even when things get a bit uncomfortable. I have frequently described it in the past as a bloody-minded streak but it is actually more than that I think. I suppose this relates on a work level, where we frequently put ourselves in uncomfortable positions that we may instinctively want to pull away from. Possibly doing that led to my PTSD. In direct relationship to this picture I have, of course, got various burns at work in the past. On two occasions needing hospital treatment for them.

But the overall motivation for this particular picture was mostly to do with getting better from my illness. In the end, to beat the PTSD in particular, I had to face it head on. I had to hold my hand over that candle and let the pain come and do its worst. In words from a previous post I had to allow it to be. It was hard, it was uncomfortable, it was painful. But I am certain it is one of the reasons I am in recovery.

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5 responses to “Hand Held Over a Candle (365)

  1. Wow, I hope that this is getting better for you. I stop to think about what some have gone through. Great illustration with the photo candle and flame to go with the article.

  2. I really like the comparison of candle & pain of PTSD. One question if you don’t mind? How long did it take you to realise you had to just let it do it’s worst?

    • Well, if you consider the date of the original incident a very long time. But from the point of view of becoming ill this time round it was several months, probably getting on for a year. It came out of the work I was doing with my psychologist. That instead of fighting to keep it down and suppress it to let it have its head and take it on that way. It is very hard. But it does mean you start to fully process it which is what needs to happen. To acknowledge it but to own it instead of it owning you.

      Thank you for your kind comment as well Matt.

  3. ‘I had to face it head on. I had to hold my hand over that candle and let the pain come and do its worst. In words from a previous post I had to allow it to be. It was hard, it was uncomfortable, it was painful. But I am certain it is one of the reasons I am in recovery.’
    Guy, this is poetry, beautifully put together it sums it up for you i think?

    • Thank you for your comment. It comes at a good time. I was beginning to have some self doubts about writing this blog.

      It does sum it up for me. And if I encourages one person to face it head on then this blog will have been worth it.

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