Another one from the series.
I think this one is more obviously an autobiographical reference to my illness. It was a position similar to one I would frequently find myself in. (The few people who have seen me immediately post flashback may recognise it.) A position brought about by very real fear, helplessness, sadness etc. Ironically, although my body position in this is very closed, I feel quite exposed by this photo. I feel slightly uneasy posting it. But, by the rules I have set for myself, that is not a reason not to post it.
Many people will recognise that the title come’s from REM’s “Losing My Religion”. A point about that lyric and title is that a lot of people take it at face value and think it refers to religion. It is actually an old southern USA expression meaning at my wit’s end or at the end of my tether. Another part of this lyric always feels relevant to me. “Oh no, I’ve said too much, I haven’t said enough”. In the old days when I did open up a bit to people I would feel horribly exposed and vulnerable as a consequence having “said too much.” But I had also held a huge amount back so I would have the contrary feeling that I had left people none the wiser about me anyway.