Guilt is a strange old thing. As I have touched on in an earlier post I felt massive guilt about aspects of the Baltic Exchange. This was despite, logically, knowing there was no reason to feel it.
Recently I have been in correspondence with two people from different stages of my past with whom I had quite different relationships. Both of them have expressed a feeling that somehow they let me down or did wrong by me. With that comes a sense of guilt and a need to make amends. They are both totally wrong. Neither of them did anything wrong. They are both lovely, gentle people who I have always remembered with affection.
On the other hand there is another person who did behave badly towards me in the past. I feel she was a major catalyst for my depression and my predisposition to PTSD. Yet she totally fails to accept any responsibility for her actions or even to acknowledge anything was wrong. When I was at my lowest ebb last year, and on the verge of suicide, she was uniquely placed to provide illumination on part of the problem. Not something that was ever going to happen.
As I say, guilt is a strange thing. It seems, from my perspective, that the people who should feel it the most actually feel it the least.